Sunday, November 18, 2012

suicide note in may


suicide note in may

the green plate is yours
and the bowls
the two wooden bowls
in the cupboard,
they are yours too
and all of your clothes of course
but not the table
we don’t own the table
you have to give it back
there’s a picture in a frame
the one of your brothers
and you
and Monica
in front of red flowers
like the ones on the walk
when you were all
when we were all
so young
you may have that too
if you can find it
I don’t really know where it is
oh but be sure to return the other dishes
to Sylvia next door
I borrowed them, they are not ours
I’m sorry
I know you like the pattern
the colors swirling around themselves
pretty
never stopping, never the same
they are not ours
but you may keep the green one
and all of the glasses
keep them too
your sister used to like the Disney ones
but that was a long time ago
of course
before she
well you know
there is some cleaning liquid under the sink
if there is a mess please clean it
I don’t want a mess
sorry
I will try not to make one
and there are dishes in the sink
you’ll need to do them
in any case
but you may have the green one
and the candles too
we have pretty candles
some of them smell nice
they are yours too
I wish I could burn them with you
today
could burn them and tell stories
or just sit in the grass
and breathe in the spring
and sing songs
we used to sing songs
didn’t we
I think there was a time
I know
I know I promised
I’m sorry
here is your daddy’s phone number
call him
he’s in Canada but he’ll come
and call your grandmother up in
New Hampshire
tell her happy Mother’s Day from me
the bitch
she never even gave me
never mind, I’m sorry
I wish it could be
different
I wish I could give you the sand
on the beach where we played
or the blanket from your bed when you were small
or the sun shining on the car as we drove west
I wish
but it’s gone now
all of it
gone
I wish I still had it
I wish you could have it
but you’ll be fine
pick up the bottles please
water the flowers
and think of me
when you use the plate

No comments: