suicide note in may

suicide note in may

the green plate is yours

and the bowls

the two wooden bowls

in the cupboard,

they are yours too
and all of your clothes of course

but not the table

we don’t own the table

you have to give it back

there’s a picture in a frame

the one of your brothers

and you

and Monica

in front of red flowers

like the ones on the walk

when you were all

when we were all

so young

you may have that too

if you can find it

I don’t really know where it is

oh but be sure to return the other dishes

to Sylvia next door

I borrowed them, they are not ours

I’m sorry

I know you like the pattern

the colors swirling around themselves

pretty

never stopping, never the same

they are not ours

but you may keep the green one

and all of the glasses

keep them too

your sister used to like the Disney ones

but that was a long time ago

of course

before she

well you know

there is some cleaning liquid under the sink

if there is a mess please clean it

I don’t want a mess

sorry

I will try not to make one

and there are dishes in the sink

you’ll need to do them

in any case

but you may have the green one

and the candles too

we have pretty candles

some of them smell nice

they are yours too

I wish I could burn them with you

today

could burn them and tell stories

or just sit in the grass

and breathe in the spring

and sing songs

we used to sing songs

didn’t we

I think there was a time

I know

I know I promised

I’m sorry

here is your daddy’s phone number

call him

he’s in Canada but he’ll come

and call your grandmother up in

New Hampshire

tell her happy Mother’s Day from me

the bitch

she never even gave me

never mind, I’m sorry

I wish it could be

different

I wish I could give you the sand

on the beach where we played

or the blanket from your bed when you were small

or the sun shining on the car as we drove west

I wish

but it’s gone now

all of it

gone

I wish I still had it

I wish you could have it

but you’ll be fine

pick up the bottles please

water the flowers

and think of me

when you use the plate